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The trackless rollarcoaster of love and hate

Wednesday, Apr. 23, 2003

7:08 p.m.

I feel like: Content
Stuck in my head: I just don't understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes and tell me everything is wonderful
Thinking about: Why I gotta be the baby... why couldn't my mom have had me a year earlier??


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MD�s making me mad. She got an online journal too, now� but I can�t post the link because she has all this dirt on me in there

That pisses me off, I could get all these random people checking out her diary, and it would piss her off, but she has dirt on me in there so now I can�t! She sucks! She has an entire page dedicated to pissing me off. Some one besides me is going to find it one day and get really pissed off. There�s google.com and stuff like that you know!

Arg! WHYYY?!?!?

Oh well, I�ll have to start putting stuff in here that�ll piss her off too.





First off, in 7th grade she had a crush on a guy named Doug� which I already knew, but it�s still funny.

Another thing, is she once told me she had a (�sorta�) crush on Richard, but she doesn�t anymore. She said he had cool hair.

She has this thing for baseball players too. �Marrow�, a guy at Del Norte� who doesn�t know she exists� (See: The day the dead guy died.) And now it�s some guy at Eldorado� �Sam�.




I don�t have anything on her except for crushes, which pisses me off.

Dammit! I hate how she has that stupid ability to piss me off! She sits there thinking up ways! And what pisses me off the most is the fact that IT WORKS!

I could pull every single one of my hairs out right now, but I�m not. Must stay calm.

Chance got on me the other day about Shea. It started off with him asking me if I had given this anonymous parental survey thing to my mom yet� I said no, because I had already filled it out myself. Shea doesn�t care. He said that I should let Shea do stuff and be my mom more or something. �You should try letting her be motherly once in a while, Mo. Next time you have a paper for her to sign, just go up and ask her. I think you�d be surprised.�

It�s so hard to explain to people, the relationship I have with my mom. She�s not really my mom� she�s more like a roommate. She doesn�t try to take charge of me or influence me in any way; she�s just my friend. She doesn�t try to be better than me, older than me, or all authoritative. We talk everything out, agree, and learn from each other. Shea�s learned just as much from me as I have from her.

She�s not the type of parent to say something like �You can�t do this because I said so� (well not usually, unless she�s PMSing). I�m smart enough for myself to know what�s good for me. If I really want to do something, she trusts me enough to let me do it. (Too bad Rob fucks this up so much. He�s just the opposite.)

Anyway, just to humor myself, I asked Shea to write me my excuse note this morning, cuz she made me late to school (long story) .

�I�m out of excuses Lauryn! Write your own note!!!�

Haha, yeah that�s what I figured. I ended up putting that there was an urgent phone call, even though I was walking through the door with a smoothie in hand. Truth is, my Great Grandma really did die this morning! Big coincidence!

But that�s kind of like saying �My dog ate my homework�, you know, �My grandma died�, the oldest excuse in the book. Everybody always runs out of grandmas.

Generally, I really like my relationship with Shea, except when she goes through those motherly phases� I like her better as a roommate, or close friend. She really should work on stopping those spells� it�s so unpredictable.

I unblocked Ronnie from my AIM list yesterday, hasn�t stopped bugging me since. I�m beginning to remember why I blocked him in the first place. He�s supposedly coming over tomorrow; I doubt he will. He hasn�t grown up in the past three years� he hardly acts 16. I just want to kill him sometimes� hey, him and MD should hook up! I heard from Julian too, a kid a year younger than I. He was so cute last year; He�s probably grown up.

I have so many little tiny random things I could write about, like breaking my cell phone for the 3rd time, but those are so boring and pointless. I really have nothing else to say today. Life seems to be changing a lot now; I predict more in the next month. I�d better split.

-Munkey Orgy



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graduation approximation
until I'm 16
before I can move out